When you can't see God he's still there

Brethren, my son Ender is cute as a button.  He’s had my heart ever since he got yanked into the world. And he likes me too.  He always has big smiles for me.  He gives me really nice dry burps faster than anyone else.  He likes our ceiling fan more than me, but I’m no chopped liver, according to him. 

Ender and I spend a lot of time together.  His mom works part-time and I’m home for the summer since I’m a school teacher; so there are five hours a day that I get to play Mr. Mom.  We really like our time together.   

His nap is usually after we’re back from a long walk and I’ve fed him, burped him, changed him, and worked him out with tummy time and a stuffed bee he likes to abuse.  It usually happens in his room.  I know from experience the nap is going to be between 30 and 45 minutes.  

This is my time.  I really like to cut loose right about now because I know the grind is going to continue in just a bit so…  I wash his bottles and pacifiers, make him a pitcher of formula, wash his clothes sometimes, start to prepare lunch, put a bottle in the warmer, tiptoe everywhere, text my wife things about the morning since she tracks his meals and diaper changes, and sometimes get ready to go on an errand with him.  Sometime during this ‘me time,’ he starts crying. 

He wakes up alone and scared so he cries out.  You know if he really thought about what I was doing he probably would think I was taking ‘me time.’  He probably thinks I’m watching soap operas, doing my nails, or weight lifting.  ‘Dad is probably reading some esoteric history tome.’ (I love personifying my son (I know it’s not really personifying because he IS a person.).) 

So I’ve noticed that my son doesn’t realize that when I’m not with him I’m still taking care of him.  You know this, even when you’re at work you’re taking care of your kids, aren’t you?  Rent isn’t going to pay itself, right?  Sometimes the most important things we do to take care of our children is stuff they can’t see us doing. 

Sometimes our heavenly father seems to be very far from us.  We are in the desert and he is nowhere to be found.  We are taking up our crosses and following after him and he is forsaking us.  We’re going through personal tragedies like dead loved ones or divorce or unemployment and God has left us in our crib and shut the door.

But God is the Father and even when he isn’t taking care of you he IS taking care of you.  He is filling your life with providence even when he feels far away.  He is making sure that all things work together for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose.

Get the bad stuff out

Brethren, get ready for an article about bowel movements.

The late Lois Williams Murphy’s most recent great grandchild was born after her death and the two, barring any eschatological or afterlife theological issues, were able to spend a little time getting to know each other in heaven before I got to meet my four-month old.  Ender is my first baby but I have had a lot of nieces and nephews.  The differences between your kids and sibling’s kids are legion.  One of the more surprising ones was that I like to change Ender’s diaper and I feared and loathed changing any of the other rascals related to me. 

‘Wait…you mean you’re happy to do it because you love him?’  No.  I like to change his poopy pants.  My little dude has difficulty going number two on a regular basis and so when he does I react as if I’ve won the lottery.  I throw a party all by myself.  My kid must think it’s very strange.  Daddy comes in and takes care of my business and starts whooping and hollering. 

So Uncle Drew doesn’t like to handle the poo but Daddy is happy to get in there and unload my kid’s load.  What changed?  I think it’s got to do something with my intimate knowledge of my child.  I know he doesn’t go often enough and so I know how important it is for him to go.  It isn’t good if a person can’t get that waste out of themselves so a good father is genuinely and sincerely ecstatic to put two hands in my son’s number two.

God is like that with us, Brethren.  You have this sin living in you.  It doesn’t belong inside.  Just like your waste system we have toilets for letting out the waste. The sin which so easily entangles needs to get out too.  Your body can’t work right without getting rid of the junk and your soul can’t work right if you’re not letting out the sin through the chute of confession. 

Now hold on a minute.  I am not encouraging you to get rid of that sin through the sacrament of confession, although if I’m honest, all God’s people need more confession.  This time I want you to notice Ender doesn’t doodoo on purpose to get rid of the junk.  (Actually, sometimes I suspect he does poop on purpose like if he waits five minutes after his mom leaves.) 

I’d like you to notice, this time, how joyous God is to see you get rid of the waste.  God celebrates your evacuations of guilt. God joyously reacts to any time you get on straight paths.  His, ‘Creation waits in eager expectation for the Sons of God to be revealed, (NIV) or it is waiting, ‘With excitement (ERV).’  If you didn’t know, your father is crazy about you and intimate with your being in a way another shepherd could never be.  Your Daddy can’t wait for you to get rid of all that baggage.    

Wayfarer November

Brethren,

    Christ once said, “I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace.  In the world you will have trouble, but take heart.  I have overcome the world.” 

That verse used to scare me.  I used to not have much trouble.  I thought, ‘Does Christ want me to seek out trouble?’  I was thinking that my life was too easy and simple.  I never was arrested for my faith.  I hadn’t even given all that I had.  I never fed or visited the least of these in prison.  I never needed saving from the den of lions or the fiery furnace because I was never worth throwing into a den or a furnace in the first place. 

    Why do I feel like such a bad Christian when I feel good?  Am I a bad Christian when I feel good?  The brother of my brother (how am I related to James), my brother in the Lord, once said, “Consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds because you know that testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”  Those are the kind of passages that make me think about punching the devil in the nose.  It makes me want to make my life a Rocky-like montage of acts of faith and service.  They make me think that if my life isn’t difficult then I must be doing something wrong. 

    But like I said that verse used to scare me because my life didn’t feel too troubled.  Now that verse scares me because I have trouble, but I’m not sure the troubles are the right kind.  Here I am, angry that my students at the school I work at don’t have supportive parents and it’s quasi-difficult for me to do anything to make them invest.  Or today my wife and I are having heart wrenching problems and I can’t help, but suspect that the troubles this world was supposed to have are being drowned out by the one’s it actually has.

    But then I remember what God cares most about.  It’s relationship.  He sent his one and only son so that whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have ever lasting life.  He sent his son to save the church and exist in community forever.  He created the church to model the communion of saints.  He cares about relationships.

So I know that my students and my wife ARE the troubles he cares about.  I know that God CARES about these things.  I know that God wants me to take heart because He has overcome the world.  I know that GOD wants me to consider these trials pure joy.      This IS how I punch the devil in the nose; by being as supportive of these kids as I can and working through the difficult times with my wife because it produces perseverance.  I know that perseverance can make me mature and complete. And it still scares me, but one day I might not lack anything.  

Substituting as a Civic Duty

You know those blogs that you see on the internet sometimes and they’re really pretentious.  They think they know everything about anything and they have very few facts, studies, and statistics to prove their points.  You read the blog and you know all the stuff in it is more or less true, but the writer acts as if they’ve discovered the wheel.  You know a thing or two.  You have lived in two centuries.  You got a lot going for you and you even read blogs and articles about education and parenting on the internet so how on earth does this writer think they’re telling you anything?

You know what schools need?  No, this isn’t a trick question and it should be the most obvious answer; many times it isn’t.  It isn’t materials.  We have a lot of those.  It isn’t smaller class sizes although I’m sure that could help.  I like the idea of teachers being allowed to Taser students.  But that isn’t it either.  It's parents.  

Now before you go getting a big head and start thinking that you’re the most important person in your kid’s life, you should know, this sucks.  By the way, there are a bunch of studies that show a parents influence over the lives of their children are decreasing.  My own belief on this topic is that an orphan's parents don’t have much influence over them.  By that I mean, that parents can have as much influence as they want to have. 

Parents can know what’s going on in the lives of their kids.  Parents can pay attention.  Parents can sit down every evening and talk at the dinner table.  Parents can make it their business to know who their kid’s friends are and what music they listen to.  Parents can check their kid’s homework and help them decide where to go to school and what classes they should take in middle school and high school.  Parents can have a ton of influence over their kid’s lives.   You can be one of the most important things in the world for your kid.  And let’s face it, if you’re the kind of parent who reads blogs/articles on the internet about parenting and education you probably are.  Odds are you do some of the stuff listed above.  You might neglect some of them, but you also, probably did it consciously to teach your kids responsibility.  You’re likely, to have a bunch of things listed that I haven’t even thought of.  You’re more likely to be a helicopter parent than an easy going one.  You’re conscientious. 

So what about the people that aren’t?  What about the people that can’t tell you what grade their kid is in?  What about the people who are really mad about their kid getting suspended because they’ll have to stay home with them rather than angry because they did something bad?  What about the parents who AREN’T mad when their kid does something wrong? 

As a teacher I know there is a huge difference between a struggling student and a struggling student who has an involved parent.  The one with the involved parent is getting a B the last week of the six weeks and EMAILS to find a way their kid can get an A.  The struggling student with no parent involvement doesn’t email me and they get a C, a D or an F which isn’t even based on the child’s talent or knowledge because without effort supplied by the parent, the student’s talent and knowledge really doesn’t come into effect.  If a parent is withholding television and or a cell phone in order to get good grades and enforcing a bedtime in order to make sure the student is calm and well rested/level-headed then the student can show off their talents and capabilities.  In my class it doesn’t take much effort to get an A.  It takes even less intelligence.  Parents who are involved are fulfilling a tough job.  But how can we, you and I, those people who are engaged, invested, and adult bring along the people who forgot to take their birth control pills?  How can the upright people bring along the Darwin award recipients?  How can the white collar and blue collar workers bring along the unemployed by choice and the collarless? 

I think there should be a law that everybody has to work in a school as a substitute like Jury Duty.  I don’t think they should be the teacher of record although I’m not opposed to that.  I much more simply think that parents and even non-parents should go to school once a year and take the pulse of our future society.  Everybody, after passing a background check, could go to a school their kid goes to and go with their kid to class. 

In elementary, we’d all see how hard the teachers work.  Maybe we’d know how difficult it is to give a kid personal time even when the teacher only has 15-20 students.  Maybe we’d see how easy it could be to give our own kid fifteen minutes of personal time every night, something that would drastically improve reading and writing in the lower primary grades.  We could play tag with the kids at recess and then maybe we could advocate for longer recess than the kids are getting because kindergartners don’t need to study 6 hours a day.  We could see our kids interacting with other kids.  We could try to help them practice this at home.  We could find out which kids we’d like our kid to be friends with.  

Maybe you don’t have a kid.  Why should you have to substitute?  Our schools are sometimes understaffed and we need help.  Our schools, as the founders agreed, and as most political philosophers believe, are more than just a service or a utility.  Our schools create our future generations assisting our parents.  That’s why we pay for them with our taxes even if we don’t have kids of our own and sometimes we need to pay time with our taxes (sometimes more important than money).  By the way, what about the people who aren’t paying any money into the education system through property taxes, but are being served with their kids in schools?  They should have to serve twice a year.  Adults without kids, properly vetted, could be a valuable asset for individual help, directed encouragement, clerical or manual support. 

In secondary schools, we’d see who the kids are in our schools who are the biggest problems.  We may see how our child is part of the problem.  We may see how hard our teachers work and how much support they really can use.  We could see how the kids talk.  The vapid language of the American secondary school student is a society-wide dumpster.  Would 10-15 extra adults walking around our halls everyday help that?  Maybe.  If it was YOUR mom would it clean up YOUR language?  If it was your friend's mom sitting at your table at lunch would it clean up your table’s language even if just that day?  Could it help papers get handed out quicker, could it help adults remember some of the incredible amount of stuff we’ve forgotten from our school careers?  Could it help us with our gym classes?  Gym is incredibly unimpressive these days.  No weights, no push-ups, no hurdles, no climbing the rope.  I think back to my gym class and remember with fondness the physical intensity that children scoff at today.  Could we remind them?  Could an insurance salesman who is over 50 and completely bald encourage our kids to run an extra lap because it’s good for them?  Could a single mom convince a bunch of apathetic high school girls how lucky they are to play basketball or soccer or lift weights and that they should take full advantage because adulthood doesn't offer many of these opportunities.

This brings more adults into the lives of our kids; a good thing, in my opinion.  I know there are going to be so many laws and lawsuits along the lines of, ‘I don’t want so and so, blah blah blah, hanging out at a school, infecting kids.  Okay, in jury duty there are challenges and dismissals why not substitute/assistant challenges and dismissals?  This also helps create adults who have to be a little more involved in their kid’s lives.  They have to be better advocates for education in the public sphere, they have to be better disciplinarians of their children, and they have to be better advocates for their child’s effort in class.  They know what the districts and schools need.  They know what the parents and administrators need.  They know what their kids and the world needs.

Now, I’m not saying that everybody should do this.  Doctors don’t have to serve jury duty.  They might not need to do this either, but doctors would be really good substitutes for science classes and probably jury foremen. 

I’m not saying everyone needs to be in a classroom or everyone needs to be with their kids if they have a kid.  I’m sure district or school employees could give you a list a mile long of things parents and non-parents could do that would be valuable, effective, safe for children and adults, and tailored to different personalities, interests, and capabilities.

I’m sure some will have a problem with using the force of law to compel work (sounds like the healthcare mandate).  But systems could be devised to get out of these expectations or we could decide to fight hard to make sure that something like this happens that makes our schools AND our communities better.  Could a small town do this?  Could this be a municipal ordinance in a small town with a few thousand in population?  Yes.  Could a school board and a city council make it a referendum and have the community vote on it?  Yes.  Has this world veered too far from the good?  No. 

Without a big city-wide program to get every adult, within reason, to be a substitute at a local school can you and your church small group go through the annoying process to get certified to be a substitute and go substitute on one or two off days a year?  No.  Your church can have an initiative to have half of the members serve as a volunteer.  Your golf team can all make a pact to follow all your kids to each class they have once a year.  Your kid’s soccer team’s parents, or your drinking buddies, or your political party, your book club, the moms of your Boy Scout Troop, or Girl Scout Troop could all make a pact to go to each of your kid’s schools and ask if they need help and how.

Wardrobe Shaming your Own Child

            *Have you ever read a blog or article about education or parenting and the writer makes it sound like they have all the answers and you, the parent of a student, don’t have any?  We try to be understanding because we read articles for their authority on the topic, but the writer has a pretentiousness that we can’t just chalk up to salesmanship.  Don’t you hate those blogs/articles?  They don’t seem to realize that the only people reading blogs/articles are people who are likely to have already thought about the suggestions, adopted them, reconsidered them, refined them and either rejected them or still have them in place.  The writer doesn’t seem to know nor have even the slightest understanding that good parents read blogs and good parents already know how to be good parents.  This is one of those blogs, but I admit that you know.

            “That isn’t a battle we’re fighting.”  When I sent a picture of a kid with a shirt with a bikini girl on it to an administrator in the last two weeks of school this was the response I got.  When I told a student to go to the nurse because she was out of dress code, she did; and changed back after my class.  I’ve had arguments with girls and boys that you can’t have such and such on a shirt or that such and such a shirt is inappropriate and the administration decides this isn’t a battle they’re fighting.  Girls wear shorts too short, and shirts that plunge too low.  Boys wear shirts with girls on them that aren’t dressed enough for the pool.  They wear clothes with smokers smoking, shooters shooting, cuss words, violence, and hate.  

             If there is a code in the dress code it will be bent and if the code isn’t enforced then that code will be bent more until it breaks.  The dress code breaks.  The dress code is not like a damn.  The damn lets some of the water through to relieve pressure.  A dress code when it lets a little through, you can prepare for the breaking of the dam.  Get ready for the flood.

            But it isn’t the administrators who are the problem.  And I’m not just saying that because some of my administrators might read this.  (Wink)  No.  The truth is that a parent MUST not allow a student of theirs to go to school out of dress code.  If you do you are neglecting your responsibility.  I don’t want to tell you what we’re all going to do to you if you continue to neglect your responsibilities (it will include torture).  I just want you to start being the parent you thought you always should have been.  100 years ago 90% of parents either straight up made their kids clothes or purchased them for them in the, 'Butt Ugly Store,'(not a real place).  We didn’t want nice clothes.  We wanted our kids to look terrible because it taught them character.  You know what gives kids character these days?  It’s when they roll up to their middle school in shoes that cost more than an electric bill.  They learn to persevere because they're forced to wear clothes that they purchase at the mall rather than a boutique.  I don’t even know if that’s even a marker of wealth and privilege.  I do know that they AREN’T really learning character or values or perseverance from what they wear because they wear really expensive clothes.  Did I mention that my school is majority ‘at-risk?’  How then can their wardrobes cost much more than mine by factors.  I know it isn’t a competition, but hey spend too much money on clothes.

              My concern, the societies concern, isn’t how much they spend.  I’m not a curmudgeon.  The issue is that you don’t know.  Why aren’t you the parent buying their clothes with them?  Parents give their money to kids and the kids go and buy clothes that the parent doesn’t want to argue about.  STOP IT!  From now on when your kid needs clothes go with him/her.  They want to go alone; don’t let them?  They buy something that has holes in it and you say to yourself, ‘it’s the fashion.’ Don’t buy them the fashion.  Buy them the boring and sturdy.  Our children, yours and mine, need less pre-cut holes in their clothes.  ‘But my kid has a part time job and buys their own clothes.’  You’re allowed to tell them what they can and can’t buy, Parent.  

*Or tell them they can buy it if they want, but make sure they aren't wearing it before they go out, to school or anywhere else.  They must dress for the occasion and school isn't a meth-head occasion. 

            ‘My kid says he needs the new Jordans and I want them to look fresh.’  ‘My daughter won’t shut up about all the other girls at her school with these holy jeans or these rompers.’   (Notice next I’m going to write a sentence without a single quote mark to delineate something I’m going to say sarcastically in response to these last sentences.)  My kid just has to have heroin to get through difficult situations.  My daughter just wants to go and drink beers with five members of the football team without any other girls and I don’t want to listen to her complain if I say no.  Am I saying that you letting your daughter out of the house in a romper is the same as enabling heroin use?  No.  But you not acting like a parent because you are afraid of your kid whining like a kid is the same thing, but with a different degree.  Am I saying that it is bad parenting to let a student go to school in clothes that are not in line with the schools dress code?  Yes.  What if the clothes aren’t outside my value system?  Yes, still.  Your job if no one told you, is to facilitate the education of your student through their school career.  That means every day.  That means ensuring that they are dressed in line with the dictates, good or bad, decided by your school board and school administrators in order to be conducive to education, not having them look fresh so they won't get punked.  

            If they can’t follow dress code there are multiple problems.  1.  You aren’t doing your job.  This sucks for you.  You know you’ll never be a great adult until you’re a parent.  Even good adults can improve with parenting.  And bad adults can totally stay horrible if they do not choose to parent.  It is time that we had a consistent ethic of parenting our children.  Yes.  You’ll screw up, but don’t give up.  A consistent ethic of ensuring dress code compliance is the goal.   2.  It sucks for the kid.  How many jobs have dress codes?  Does yours?  Isn’t it life-training to start following a program of laws and social mores?  Finally, it sucks for the kid because if you’re too scared to enforce rules that aren’t even your rules, then the kid isn’t learning much discipline.  Your kid, your little tyke, your little princess, that girl or boy that you got choked up the first time they hugged you.  Their life will be less good if you do not enforce discipline.  So enforce it. 

            ‘But my kid changes after leaving the house.’  Confiscate the rags they change into.  ‘My kid is too old for me to change on them.’  Sure, give up.  After all if you’re telling me that you cannot enforce a dress code on your baby, a stunning admission, then I can’t really argue with you.  I believe you’re wrong, but I can’t convince of the opposite.  ‘What about uniforms? We could have uniforms and then I wouldn’t have to do anything.’  I’m pro uniform, but a kid can push the boundaries of uniforms too.  Plus, I think parents need more opportunities to parent not more opportunities to avoid parenting. 

            As per usual, I think that people who read my blogs/articles are self-selective of people who might already do what they should in the sphere of children’s fashions.  So if you think this is a valuable message please consider sharing this on your feed?  That way you can give it to people you think need it but not actually say they need it.  Or if you’re brave ask people you know, all of them, how do they purchase clothes for their kids?  How do they enforce dress code?  Do they know their school’s dress code?  Do they shop with their kids?  Do they shop for their kids?  I know it sounds nosy.  It was one of the worst things our collective conscience remembers about the fifties and small towns.  People didn’t know how to mind their own business.  Yeah, but maybe that’s swung all the way to the far end of the pendulum and social media is a way for us to practice the complete antithesis of intimacy with our fellow people.  Maybe that’s bad. 

            Also, if you want to practice self-delusion leave a comment and tell me how I’m wrong.  No language please.   

Earning the Cell

You know those blogs that tell you how to be a good parent.  They always sound a little pretentious.  They sound like they have all the answers.  They make it sound like you don’t have any of the answers.  The sad thing is, anybody reading the blog about effective parenting is usually a self-selective group of people who have a lot of good ideas about parenting.  This isn’t a parenting blog but one about education.  It will suggest some ways to fix public schools that are habitually failing. 

            Kids don’t like school.  I mean, most kids don’t like school.  It’s almost all of them right.  My wife has a son that is legally mine and he likes school.  He is such a people person that he’d gladly go to school year round.  He is like Zach Morris from, Saved By the Bell, who said, “I love school, I just don’t like the classes.”  I know I shouldn’t have quotation marks for a paraphrase, but that’s a paraphrase.  I think a lot of kids fall into this category.  They like other kids, but they don’t like classes, reading, homework, grades, or tests.  They don’t like the rules, dress codes, and discipline. 

            And when did we think that schools should be fun?  When did we decide as a society that teachers are supposed to be guides on intellectual adventures?  At what point in time was Magic School Bus’s teacher, Miss Frizzle made the teacher du jour?  I think we spend too much time worrying about whether or not kids are getting engaged and not enough time making sure that students are incentivized to achieve.  Yes, I think engagement is important, but I also believe engagement to be impossible for some kids because they have too much other stuff reaching them.  Their phones can pipe in everything in the world to them instantaneously and thus, how can teachers interest them?

            Yes, there are ways.  I think there are a lot of micro options for engagement.  You have to create a template for engagement based on your personality and demeanor.  We can’t all be Jamie Escalante, but all teachers can get better at reaching the unreachable children of the 21^st century.  But how can parent help?  Is there some incentive that almost every student will work to achieve?  Is there something, the loss of which will incite action and effort for 90% of all students?

At my school, Elgin Middle School, there are more than 50% of the students who are ‘at risk.’  This means that the majority of the students on my campus have at least some issues with money and parents that make enough of it.  Now guess in this campus how many students have cell phones.  It’s not all and I’m sure it’s much different between sixth and eighth grades but the students I had in the eighth grade had about 90 percent cell phones.  Then there was about 20% A-B honor roll. 

            If every parent told their kid that they couldn’t have a cell phone unless they got A-B Honor Roll, what percent do you think would pass?  It wouldn’t be all.  Some students might try to succeed and still fall a little bit short.  Some kids would be defiant and might make their parents enforce the rule.  But really, how many do you think would get A-B Honor Roll in order to keep their phone?  My guess is 80 percent.  I guess there would be 5% that don’t want their kids to have a phone because they aren’t mature enough.  I think 5% couldn’t afford it.  I think 5% would try and still not be able to succeed.  I think 5% would be defiant and lose access to their phones every six weeks. 

            That is my eerily accurate unscientific estimation.  We’d go from a school who has 20% A-B to one that has 80% A-B.  This might change other things.  Like, I take late work even if it’s five weeks late.  I don’t think teachers would give as many chances and might start expecting more accountability if the kids were earning incentives at home.  I think students wouldn’t come to me or other teachers and just ask, ‘what do I have to do?’  With this system they might actually try to self-govern their own responsibilities. They might self-advocate ways to boost grades.  They might do the extra credit I have posted.  If there was group work all the student would rely on each other to produce good work so they can all either achieve cell phone status or avoid cell phone confiscation.

            This idea isn’t one that I thought of on my own.  I’m sure there are tons of parents who do this.  I had two students in my class this year.  Their parents had a rule that the girls would lose their phones if they didn’t get all A’s, not all A’s and B’s.  Once, one of the girls had an 88 the last week of the semester came to me and got a lot of extra credit and I offer a lot of extra credit.  She ended the grading period with a 91.  I didn’t bump her grade because she showed me a lot of effort.  She earned it.  The other girl got a bad grade on a test and did all the extra credit I offered in the grading period and ended with a 96.  These two girls, best buddies, had parents with the simple rule that all parent ought to have.  No A’s and B’s, no phone.

            But…you say your kid needs to get in touch with you.  No, they don’t.  Your schools have rules against the use of your student using their phone and every time they call you within school hours you undermine your school's authority.  'My kid’s teachers are okay with them texting and calling when they aren’t working in class.'  Well your teacher ought to explain to you why they have so much free time.  They could do that after they explain to the administration why they aren’t enforcing the no phone policy.  My school literally told me to not confiscate phones, but to just write students up if I saw them with a phone.  Thanks, parents.  I sure that call home to ask you to bring them lunch was seriously needed.  How many times did we call home before every kid had a cell phone?  None.    

            ‘My kid has some sort of disease or there might be an accident.’  Give them the phone.  Lock the phone from anything but calls to the police.  Am I saying that there is no reason to have a student have a phone?  No.  I’m saying earning all privileges should be a consistent ethic your children should learn. 

            ‘But my kid is too old, you don’t understand.  They’d get violent if I took away their phone.’  Okay give up.  My suggestion is about encouraging parents to have a more active role in the educational lives of their children.  If your response is that is, 'its too hard,' then I can’t actually argue that point.  But leave a comment about how I don’t know anything and that I cannot make blanket statements and how I don’t know everyone’s situation and how I shouldn’t try to tell you how to raise your kids. 

            And I understand there are people who don’t think their kids should have cell phones at all and some that don’t think they should earn them with good grades.  Use some other carrot so the school doesn’t have to use the stick so much.  Please leave a comment about how I’m bad for even suggesting students should sometimes have cell phones or what you use as the carrot to get achievement out of your kids other than a cell.  One of my parents had a kid who level of lack of effort was uncanny.  He improved a little second semester and I asked what she’d said or offered.  She said Jehovah deserved all the credit.  That would be awesome, I thought.  He returned to his old ways and failed the semester with less than a 40 the last six weeks. 

            Like I said, I think reading a blog self-selects the kind of parents who might already be doing these things or things like them.  So, if you agree with this blog/article, please try asking your friends if their kids have a phone and if they have achievement expectations to receive it.  Ask them if they have any achievement rewards.  The idea of creating measurable expectations for our kids’ success and some sort of payment for success in the classroom needs to be part of our societal vernacular.

Is it part of yours?

Bed time

Hey you know those people who write blogs and how they’re always super pretentious?  They tell you what’s wrong with the world and sort of imply that it’s everybody’s fault, but their own.  They know what is wrong and who is to blame, and they may get a little bit of increased readership if they blame you and your write hate mail back.  The blog makes a lot of sense and basically falls under the umbrella of ‘common sense.’  The writer might get away with it too because ‘common sense’ isn’t common, but they have this irritating way of making it seem like you are the problem.  You and everyone else, but them. 

So I’m a teacher, as you may have already known and I’ve taught at a lot of schools because I used to be a sub and substitutes get a bird’s eye view.  They see it all, but just little glimpses and they can’t get to know the kids too well.  And I got that; I taught a whole bunch of kids for a day or a couple of days or a couple of weeks.  Then this year I taught one set of about a hundred kids every day.  I learned their names I got to know their quirks and talents.  So now I’ve got a bird’s eye and I’m right up in the stuff; I can use a sniper rifle and a knife.  And I’ve got one huge overarching diagnosis for why kids, schools, and test scores are going to the crapper.  Maybe I’ll get around to some of the other reasons and we as a society of individuals can start working on those.  Stay tuned.  For right now I’ve got one big one that is going to make things a lot better. 

Bedtime.

That’s right you, yes you, need to give your kids an earlier bedtime.  A kid who is in elementary is age 6-12ish, needs to go to bed and be in bed for 10 hours.  ‘What if they don’t need that much sleep?’ They do.  Stop letting them stay up for another episode.  Stop reading one more story to them.  If they wake up early, send them back to bed.  ‘What if they wake up early ten days in a row?’ take a walk with them every night before bed.  ‘A walk isn’t enough.’ How about a jog?  How about a run?  How about some basketball?  Stop letting them eat sugar after 6:00.  Stop letting them drink energy drinks after 4:00.  ‘But I want my kid to be independent.’

Your kid cannot be independent if they are sleepy.  Your child is making up their minds based on a burnt out system.  They cannot pay attention in class, even if they aren’t going to sleep because they might be able to stay up and NOT be able to act calm and cool without eyes drooping.  They cannot give attention to their teacher, their sleep imbalance is begging them to act up.   

A student who is in middle school is tricky because they’re older and more independent.  They’ve got more extracurricular activities and homework so they need…10 hours.  They need sleep.  Your teachers are spending time dealing with their attitudes and behavior when they could, believe it or not, teach them.  You cannot let them stay up on Instachat or Snapgrams (patent pending).  I know these apps are called Instagram and Snapchat, I think it’s funny to say them wrong and it also allows me to minimize their value to others in speech. You cannot let them have a TV in their room for them to watch Netflix until 1 a.m.  You cannot let them play video games until their borderline psychotic because Call of Duty 27 just came out or they’ve been saving their money for Grand Theft Auto Guatemala for like three weeks.  Even if it’s something valuable like reading a book, doing a project, or practicing their violin.  School is more important than that.  School needs a consistent ethic of mental and emotional wellness that can be greatly improved by solid sleep.  Let them have Saturday to do those other things, if you must.  Although.  If you like this meandering article/blog then you might stick around and find out how I feel about some of those other pastimes.  

‘Is it possible that a kid needs nine hours instead of 10? After all, my 8^th grader is 14 and has a mustache.’  Yes.  ‘Well what about 8?’  I guess that’s possible.  Take a second and guestimate how many kids at your local middle school get even 8?  Now divide that by 2.  That’s probably more like the right number.  My insanely accurate unscientific guess is that fewer than 40% get seven hours or more.  How many kids do you think need 8, 9, or 10 hours?  Most people would sensibly say that more kids need 10 than 9 and more kids need 9 than 8.  Once again, and I’m correct, 10% need about 8 hours. 20% need about 8.5 hours of sleep.  30% of children under the age of fifteen need 9 hours. 20% need 9.5 and 20% need 10 hours of sleep every night.  Where does your kid fit?  Why does your student need less than others?  You see the question isn’t how much they need when it comes to sleep.  It’s how much they can take.

And when your kid is in high school they need…8-10 hours of sleep.  Think of the way schools would be if every student went to sleep at ten and woke up at six.  Think of how are schools would be if every parent could enforce that on each high school student.

This blog/article wasn’t written by a parent with all the answers.  It was written by the spouse of a parent with all the answers.  When I married my wife I felt her bed time was early.  I still do.  I think my bedtime when I was her kid’s age was an hour later.  But he performs better in school.  He is nicer and more polite than I was.  He still gets to be a little snotty if he doesn’t get his normal amount of sleep.  His friends in school; honors, band, orchestra; a lot have early bedtimes.  The kids that I know at my school who have bed times, they are all high achievers.  Admittedly some students do not have bed times and achieve well.  My argument to that, is that they may achieve better if they were well rested.  I’m not a parent with all the answers.  I’m a teacher searching for all the right answers.  If you think this is or isn’t one of them would you leave a response and say why or why not? 

Sadly, the clientele that read blogs/online articles give their children bedtimes.  It is the parents who have the children who need bedtimes the most who are least likely to read this.  Please don’t take that statement as racial, ethnocentric, or socioeconomic.  I am saying that the group of people in society that is seeking out suggestions on how to better raise children are self-selective of the type of people who already give their children bed times.  So if you could do me a favor; ask someone who you know who has kids when their kids’ bedtimes is/are.  We need this question to be part of the vernacular.  The more we ask the more people think there is a right answer.  The friends you ask you can ask why.  The friends you ask, if they don’t know or don’t really have a set time, or want their children to be independent; send them the link to this article. 

Open Letter to Parents Considering Homechool

Open letter to the imaginary parents I know considering home school,

            You know I teach at a public school right?  How could you even consider taking important funds away from society’s schools and taking your child out of an environment that makes presidents and patriots?   Hahahahahaha.

            The truth is that now that I’ve seen the system on the inside I can say without reservation the following:  All parents should strongly consider doing some home schooling.  All parents who have faith in God or conservative values aren’t being served in public education.  There are very few good Godly examples of how to live life in schools.  There aren’t many other students who children can look up to or will look up to even if they are some.  There are very few teachers that I think are so laudable that I would request their morals and honor as my students teacher.  The vapid nature of student talk and student behavior in secondary schools is worse than any foul mouthed movie you’ve ever seen.  Sailors talk much nicer than 7^th graders. 

I once remarked that I heard the ‘N-word’ more in one week at Connally High School than I had in my entire life previously.  I was including all the gangster movies I had ever seen.  Mind, this wasn’t said by students to inflame each other.  The word, from each race to all others, was without power.  The only people it humiliated and disgusted were the adults.   The language is ubiquitous.  There are no sensitivities in your child’s ears.  It isn’t clever or martial; it is word vomit.  It is mania. 

The disrespect and behavior are terrible as well.  All students lie and cheat.  I caught two dozen cheaters this year.  I may have caught more but some don’t have anyone to copy off of because my assessments are so easy; dumbed down, weak tea.  I may have caught more, but some do not care enough to cheat.  There is fighting.  There is gossip.  There is a level of depravity that I assure you is worse than anything I saw while I was in my school and it is NOT seeing with rose-colored glasses.  

And the values you share, they do not.  It is just nigh-impossible to out-number all their negative influences by being good parents and taking them to church.  And their teachers very rarely, share your values either.  I was surprised.  I mean this is a state so Red with republicanism that we voted against the Barbie doll for Governor and voted for Trump for President.  I thought teachers would have some conservatism here.  Wouldn’t teachers be a good cross-section of our state’s make up?  No.  75% claim Christianity in the state, is it that high in the school?  No.  They do not share your faith or your values.  Some might.  More do not.    

So do I, a teacher who makes my living teaching in public schools, think anyone close to me ought to seriously consider other options like co-ops or private schools or home school with curriculum online?  Yes.  Do I think you have to do it a while for it to make sense?  Yes.  Does it have to be K-8, or 6-8, or K-5?  No.

But…

Reasons you might not want to do this:  If your child is being bullied.  Look, I know it hurts to see your baby get bullied, but if you take your kid out of school it is telling them that if they aren’t enjoying something then they can change it.  That isn’t always true.  That can be one of the worst lessons to teach subconsciously to our children.  If they don’t like a teacher or a class or a club or a sport it might be the best opportunity to teach that, ‘those who endure get a crown’ rather than, ‘if we don’t like it we can always quit.’

Maybe you shouldn’t quit because a public school can offer you something you can’t otherwise achieve like sports, fine arts, or clubs.  I know some homeschools have sports and band and orchestra and whatever else but clubs in a school are a special thing that aren’t well reproduced all the time.  I’ve been a part of a homeschool co-op drama and it didn’t make the transition well.  I’ve also been a part of playoff football team and a nationally recognized men’s choir.

Maybe your kid is wild about God and needs to be challenged to see the school as his/her mission field.  Look, I didn’t.  There is a level of maturity that I don’t think God demands from 15 and 16 year olds.  But now, I pray every day to let me be a good man and let students get a little God out of me.  I need to do better at it, but there’s always next year.  If you can take a student who is special in a way, I admit, I was not and make them focus their zeal for Christ Jesus into their public education then God be praised.  If this can be their Catechesis, then the Gates of Hell shall not prevail.

But…

If you decide to take the plunge:  Don’t go halfway.  Don’t say this is a measure that only needs to last a year until a growth spurt comes in or until his peers grow out of bullying.  Don’t pay it lip service.  Look up project-based-learning.  Have the student design the curriculum.  Always be expecting more than the school did, and more than you did last week.  Homeschool should be an opportunity to trounce the public education system.  Homeschool should look the public school in the face and laugh at its edifices.  Education costs a library card; they’ve got computers, and books on tape, Audible.com, Youtube.com, projectGuttenberg.com, Think through Math, IXL, Bill and Melinda Gates foundation, the DBQ project, Project Based Learning, blogs, heck Netlfix and Amazon Prime (documentaries, brain games, How Things are Made, Dirty Jobs, and Mythbusters) encyclopedias, Wikipedia (watch Jeopardy, get the clue, pause it, look it up online and answer it before unpausing, then afterwards watch it at full speed and see how many they remember), History.com, the Biography Channel, History.gov the list could go on for days.  A person who is incentivized to become an autodidact hasn’t even needed a teacher for the last 20 years.  Scratch that, probably didn’t need one before the internet when we had libraries.

If you decide to take the plunge:  Get weird.  Do a ton of field trips to actual educational places.  Have them write in different styles and Genres.  Have them read and write book reports in different styles and genres.  Have them take some instrument lessons in several different instruments and then have them practice like an hour a day if you ears can stand it.  Have them learn to whistle, to juggle, to skateboard, to dance, fence, sing, speak some vocab in like ten languages.  Have them learn the Korean alphabet.  Have them learn to identify art but only up to the Impressionists.  Have them listen to symphonies and operas and arias and Hank Williams and Elvis and Bach and Brahms and New Kids on the Block and Fats Domino and Motown and Italian Rap and Russian Folk.  Have them sow and macramé and wash dishes and write poetry and learn first aid.

If you decide to take the plunge:  Do not let them do it without you.  There is a cheap way to do it and that is to give them a book and ask them to read it and write a report.  Total time for you 10 minutes.  Total time for them 15 hours.  No.  Have them read something to you.  Discuss it afterwards.  You know Cliff’s Notes?  Those actually have challenge questions at the end of each chapter summary to help spur discussion.  Look up a lecturer on Youtube who can talk about the themes.  After they write the report don’t just mark it for spelling and grammar.  You should really teach them about introducing an essay.  If I get another essay starting, “Let me tell you about…”  Really challenge them that 5-7 paragraphs, 5-7 sentences is only barely good enough.  Beg friends to read it and offer notes.  Have the student represent the book in multimedia:  A picture, a poster, a board game, a 3-D element, outfits for a play, etc.  Have the student blog about it.  Have the student read their essay and share it with former students.  Engage with everything they do.  You must invest in this yourself.  It is no small task to be a good teacher.  (Side Note:  I’m not saying that a parent can’t leave their kid home alone and work Tuesday and Thursday if the parent needs to work part time.  Though the state might have a problem with this.  Kids just need guidance all the time even when they don’t, in my opinion need supervision.

So long story short:  Do it, or not if you can’t or don’t want to, all the way in or all the way out, make it worth it, be weird, go with your student, and bring God with you.  It isn’t a question with a right answer just a right for you answer.