Wardrobe Shaming your Own Child

            *Have you ever read a blog or article about education or parenting and the writer makes it sound like they have all the answers and you, the parent of a student, don’t have any?  We try to be understanding because we read articles for their authority on the topic, but the writer has a pretentiousness that we can’t just chalk up to salesmanship.  Don’t you hate those blogs/articles?  They don’t seem to realize that the only people reading blogs/articles are people who are likely to have already thought about the suggestions, adopted them, reconsidered them, refined them and either rejected them or still have them in place.  The writer doesn’t seem to know nor have even the slightest understanding that good parents read blogs and good parents already know how to be good parents.  This is one of those blogs, but I admit that you know.

            “That isn’t a battle we’re fighting.”  When I sent a picture of a kid with a shirt with a bikini girl on it to an administrator in the last two weeks of school this was the response I got.  When I told a student to go to the nurse because she was out of dress code, she did; and changed back after my class.  I’ve had arguments with girls and boys that you can’t have such and such on a shirt or that such and such a shirt is inappropriate and the administration decides this isn’t a battle they’re fighting.  Girls wear shorts too short, and shirts that plunge too low.  Boys wear shirts with girls on them that aren’t dressed enough for the pool.  They wear clothes with smokers smoking, shooters shooting, cuss words, violence, and hate.  

             If there is a code in the dress code it will be bent and if the code isn’t enforced then that code will be bent more until it breaks.  The dress code breaks.  The dress code is not like a damn.  The damn lets some of the water through to relieve pressure.  A dress code when it lets a little through, you can prepare for the breaking of the dam.  Get ready for the flood.

            But it isn’t the administrators who are the problem.  And I’m not just saying that because some of my administrators might read this.  (Wink)  No.  The truth is that a parent MUST not allow a student of theirs to go to school out of dress code.  If you do you are neglecting your responsibility.  I don’t want to tell you what we’re all going to do to you if you continue to neglect your responsibilities (it will include torture).  I just want you to start being the parent you thought you always should have been.  100 years ago 90% of parents either straight up made their kids clothes or purchased them for them in the, 'Butt Ugly Store,'(not a real place).  We didn’t want nice clothes.  We wanted our kids to look terrible because it taught them character.  You know what gives kids character these days?  It’s when they roll up to their middle school in shoes that cost more than an electric bill.  They learn to persevere because they're forced to wear clothes that they purchase at the mall rather than a boutique.  I don’t even know if that’s even a marker of wealth and privilege.  I do know that they AREN’T really learning character or values or perseverance from what they wear because they wear really expensive clothes.  Did I mention that my school is majority ‘at-risk?’  How then can their wardrobes cost much more than mine by factors.  I know it isn’t a competition, but hey spend too much money on clothes.

              My concern, the societies concern, isn’t how much they spend.  I’m not a curmudgeon.  The issue is that you don’t know.  Why aren’t you the parent buying their clothes with them?  Parents give their money to kids and the kids go and buy clothes that the parent doesn’t want to argue about.  STOP IT!  From now on when your kid needs clothes go with him/her.  They want to go alone; don’t let them?  They buy something that has holes in it and you say to yourself, ‘it’s the fashion.’ Don’t buy them the fashion.  Buy them the boring and sturdy.  Our children, yours and mine, need less pre-cut holes in their clothes.  ‘But my kid has a part time job and buys their own clothes.’  You’re allowed to tell them what they can and can’t buy, Parent.  

*Or tell them they can buy it if they want, but make sure they aren't wearing it before they go out, to school or anywhere else.  They must dress for the occasion and school isn't a meth-head occasion. 

            ‘My kid says he needs the new Jordans and I want them to look fresh.’  ‘My daughter won’t shut up about all the other girls at her school with these holy jeans or these rompers.’   (Notice next I’m going to write a sentence without a single quote mark to delineate something I’m going to say sarcastically in response to these last sentences.)  My kid just has to have heroin to get through difficult situations.  My daughter just wants to go and drink beers with five members of the football team without any other girls and I don’t want to listen to her complain if I say no.  Am I saying that you letting your daughter out of the house in a romper is the same as enabling heroin use?  No.  But you not acting like a parent because you are afraid of your kid whining like a kid is the same thing, but with a different degree.  Am I saying that it is bad parenting to let a student go to school in clothes that are not in line with the schools dress code?  Yes.  What if the clothes aren’t outside my value system?  Yes, still.  Your job if no one told you, is to facilitate the education of your student through their school career.  That means every day.  That means ensuring that they are dressed in line with the dictates, good or bad, decided by your school board and school administrators in order to be conducive to education, not having them look fresh so they won't get punked.  

            If they can’t follow dress code there are multiple problems.  1.  You aren’t doing your job.  This sucks for you.  You know you’ll never be a great adult until you’re a parent.  Even good adults can improve with parenting.  And bad adults can totally stay horrible if they do not choose to parent.  It is time that we had a consistent ethic of parenting our children.  Yes.  You’ll screw up, but don’t give up.  A consistent ethic of ensuring dress code compliance is the goal.   2.  It sucks for the kid.  How many jobs have dress codes?  Does yours?  Isn’t it life-training to start following a program of laws and social mores?  Finally, it sucks for the kid because if you’re too scared to enforce rules that aren’t even your rules, then the kid isn’t learning much discipline.  Your kid, your little tyke, your little princess, that girl or boy that you got choked up the first time they hugged you.  Their life will be less good if you do not enforce discipline.  So enforce it. 

            ‘But my kid changes after leaving the house.’  Confiscate the rags they change into.  ‘My kid is too old for me to change on them.’  Sure, give up.  After all if you’re telling me that you cannot enforce a dress code on your baby, a stunning admission, then I can’t really argue with you.  I believe you’re wrong, but I can’t convince of the opposite.  ‘What about uniforms? We could have uniforms and then I wouldn’t have to do anything.’  I’m pro uniform, but a kid can push the boundaries of uniforms too.  Plus, I think parents need more opportunities to parent not more opportunities to avoid parenting. 

            As per usual, I think that people who read my blogs/articles are self-selective of people who might already do what they should in the sphere of children’s fashions.  So if you think this is a valuable message please consider sharing this on your feed?  That way you can give it to people you think need it but not actually say they need it.  Or if you’re brave ask people you know, all of them, how do they purchase clothes for their kids?  How do they enforce dress code?  Do they know their school’s dress code?  Do they shop with their kids?  Do they shop for their kids?  I know it sounds nosy.  It was one of the worst things our collective conscience remembers about the fifties and small towns.  People didn’t know how to mind their own business.  Yeah, but maybe that’s swung all the way to the far end of the pendulum and social media is a way for us to practice the complete antithesis of intimacy with our fellow people.  Maybe that’s bad. 

            Also, if you want to practice self-delusion leave a comment and tell me how I’m wrong.  No language please.