Substituting as a Civic Duty

You know those blogs that you see on the internet sometimes and they’re really pretentious.  They think they know everything about anything and they have very few facts, studies, and statistics to prove their points.  You read the blog and you know all the stuff in it is more or less true, but the writer acts as if they’ve discovered the wheel.  You know a thing or two.  You have lived in two centuries.  You got a lot going for you and you even read blogs and articles about education and parenting on the internet so how on earth does this writer think they’re telling you anything?

You know what schools need?  No, this isn’t a trick question and it should be the most obvious answer; many times it isn’t.  It isn’t materials.  We have a lot of those.  It isn’t smaller class sizes although I’m sure that could help.  I like the idea of teachers being allowed to Taser students.  But that isn’t it either.  It's parents.  

Now before you go getting a big head and start thinking that you’re the most important person in your kid’s life, you should know, this sucks.  By the way, there are a bunch of studies that show a parents influence over the lives of their children are decreasing.  My own belief on this topic is that an orphan's parents don’t have much influence over them.  By that I mean, that parents can have as much influence as they want to have. 

Parents can know what’s going on in the lives of their kids.  Parents can pay attention.  Parents can sit down every evening and talk at the dinner table.  Parents can make it their business to know who their kid’s friends are and what music they listen to.  Parents can check their kid’s homework and help them decide where to go to school and what classes they should take in middle school and high school.  Parents can have a ton of influence over their kid’s lives.   You can be one of the most important things in the world for your kid.  And let’s face it, if you’re the kind of parent who reads blogs/articles on the internet about parenting and education you probably are.  Odds are you do some of the stuff listed above.  You might neglect some of them, but you also, probably did it consciously to teach your kids responsibility.  You’re likely, to have a bunch of things listed that I haven’t even thought of.  You’re more likely to be a helicopter parent than an easy going one.  You’re conscientious. 

So what about the people that aren’t?  What about the people that can’t tell you what grade their kid is in?  What about the people who are really mad about their kid getting suspended because they’ll have to stay home with them rather than angry because they did something bad?  What about the parents who AREN’T mad when their kid does something wrong? 

As a teacher I know there is a huge difference between a struggling student and a struggling student who has an involved parent.  The one with the involved parent is getting a B the last week of the six weeks and EMAILS to find a way their kid can get an A.  The struggling student with no parent involvement doesn’t email me and they get a C, a D or an F which isn’t even based on the child’s talent or knowledge because without effort supplied by the parent, the student’s talent and knowledge really doesn’t come into effect.  If a parent is withholding television and or a cell phone in order to get good grades and enforcing a bedtime in order to make sure the student is calm and well rested/level-headed then the student can show off their talents and capabilities.  In my class it doesn’t take much effort to get an A.  It takes even less intelligence.  Parents who are involved are fulfilling a tough job.  But how can we, you and I, those people who are engaged, invested, and adult bring along the people who forgot to take their birth control pills?  How can the upright people bring along the Darwin award recipients?  How can the white collar and blue collar workers bring along the unemployed by choice and the collarless? 

I think there should be a law that everybody has to work in a school as a substitute like Jury Duty.  I don’t think they should be the teacher of record although I’m not opposed to that.  I much more simply think that parents and even non-parents should go to school once a year and take the pulse of our future society.  Everybody, after passing a background check, could go to a school their kid goes to and go with their kid to class. 

In elementary, we’d all see how hard the teachers work.  Maybe we’d know how difficult it is to give a kid personal time even when the teacher only has 15-20 students.  Maybe we’d see how easy it could be to give our own kid fifteen minutes of personal time every night, something that would drastically improve reading and writing in the lower primary grades.  We could play tag with the kids at recess and then maybe we could advocate for longer recess than the kids are getting because kindergartners don’t need to study 6 hours a day.  We could see our kids interacting with other kids.  We could try to help them practice this at home.  We could find out which kids we’d like our kid to be friends with.  

Maybe you don’t have a kid.  Why should you have to substitute?  Our schools are sometimes understaffed and we need help.  Our schools, as the founders agreed, and as most political philosophers believe, are more than just a service or a utility.  Our schools create our future generations assisting our parents.  That’s why we pay for them with our taxes even if we don’t have kids of our own and sometimes we need to pay time with our taxes (sometimes more important than money).  By the way, what about the people who aren’t paying any money into the education system through property taxes, but are being served with their kids in schools?  They should have to serve twice a year.  Adults without kids, properly vetted, could be a valuable asset for individual help, directed encouragement, clerical or manual support. 

In secondary schools, we’d see who the kids are in our schools who are the biggest problems.  We may see how our child is part of the problem.  We may see how hard our teachers work and how much support they really can use.  We could see how the kids talk.  The vapid language of the American secondary school student is a society-wide dumpster.  Would 10-15 extra adults walking around our halls everyday help that?  Maybe.  If it was YOUR mom would it clean up YOUR language?  If it was your friend's mom sitting at your table at lunch would it clean up your table’s language even if just that day?  Could it help papers get handed out quicker, could it help adults remember some of the incredible amount of stuff we’ve forgotten from our school careers?  Could it help us with our gym classes?  Gym is incredibly unimpressive these days.  No weights, no push-ups, no hurdles, no climbing the rope.  I think back to my gym class and remember with fondness the physical intensity that children scoff at today.  Could we remind them?  Could an insurance salesman who is over 50 and completely bald encourage our kids to run an extra lap because it’s good for them?  Could a single mom convince a bunch of apathetic high school girls how lucky they are to play basketball or soccer or lift weights and that they should take full advantage because adulthood doesn't offer many of these opportunities.

This brings more adults into the lives of our kids; a good thing, in my opinion.  I know there are going to be so many laws and lawsuits along the lines of, ‘I don’t want so and so, blah blah blah, hanging out at a school, infecting kids.  Okay, in jury duty there are challenges and dismissals why not substitute/assistant challenges and dismissals?  This also helps create adults who have to be a little more involved in their kid’s lives.  They have to be better advocates for education in the public sphere, they have to be better disciplinarians of their children, and they have to be better advocates for their child’s effort in class.  They know what the districts and schools need.  They know what the parents and administrators need.  They know what their kids and the world needs.

Now, I’m not saying that everybody should do this.  Doctors don’t have to serve jury duty.  They might not need to do this either, but doctors would be really good substitutes for science classes and probably jury foremen. 

I’m not saying everyone needs to be in a classroom or everyone needs to be with their kids if they have a kid.  I’m sure district or school employees could give you a list a mile long of things parents and non-parents could do that would be valuable, effective, safe for children and adults, and tailored to different personalities, interests, and capabilities.

I’m sure some will have a problem with using the force of law to compel work (sounds like the healthcare mandate).  But systems could be devised to get out of these expectations or we could decide to fight hard to make sure that something like this happens that makes our schools AND our communities better.  Could a small town do this?  Could this be a municipal ordinance in a small town with a few thousand in population?  Yes.  Could a school board and a city council make it a referendum and have the community vote on it?  Yes.  Has this world veered too far from the good?  No. 

Without a big city-wide program to get every adult, within reason, to be a substitute at a local school can you and your church small group go through the annoying process to get certified to be a substitute and go substitute on one or two off days a year?  No.  Your church can have an initiative to have half of the members serve as a volunteer.  Your golf team can all make a pact to follow all your kids to each class they have once a year.  Your kid’s soccer team’s parents, or your drinking buddies, or your political party, your book club, the moms of your Boy Scout Troop, or Girl Scout Troop could all make a pact to go to each of your kid’s schools and ask if they need help and how.

Wardrobe Shaming your Own Child

            *Have you ever read a blog or article about education or parenting and the writer makes it sound like they have all the answers and you, the parent of a student, don’t have any?  We try to be understanding because we read articles for their authority on the topic, but the writer has a pretentiousness that we can’t just chalk up to salesmanship.  Don’t you hate those blogs/articles?  They don’t seem to realize that the only people reading blogs/articles are people who are likely to have already thought about the suggestions, adopted them, reconsidered them, refined them and either rejected them or still have them in place.  The writer doesn’t seem to know nor have even the slightest understanding that good parents read blogs and good parents already know how to be good parents.  This is one of those blogs, but I admit that you know.

            “That isn’t a battle we’re fighting.”  When I sent a picture of a kid with a shirt with a bikini girl on it to an administrator in the last two weeks of school this was the response I got.  When I told a student to go to the nurse because she was out of dress code, she did; and changed back after my class.  I’ve had arguments with girls and boys that you can’t have such and such on a shirt or that such and such a shirt is inappropriate and the administration decides this isn’t a battle they’re fighting.  Girls wear shorts too short, and shirts that plunge too low.  Boys wear shirts with girls on them that aren’t dressed enough for the pool.  They wear clothes with smokers smoking, shooters shooting, cuss words, violence, and hate.  

             If there is a code in the dress code it will be bent and if the code isn’t enforced then that code will be bent more until it breaks.  The dress code breaks.  The dress code is not like a damn.  The damn lets some of the water through to relieve pressure.  A dress code when it lets a little through, you can prepare for the breaking of the dam.  Get ready for the flood.

            But it isn’t the administrators who are the problem.  And I’m not just saying that because some of my administrators might read this.  (Wink)  No.  The truth is that a parent MUST not allow a student of theirs to go to school out of dress code.  If you do you are neglecting your responsibility.  I don’t want to tell you what we’re all going to do to you if you continue to neglect your responsibilities (it will include torture).  I just want you to start being the parent you thought you always should have been.  100 years ago 90% of parents either straight up made their kids clothes or purchased them for them in the, 'Butt Ugly Store,'(not a real place).  We didn’t want nice clothes.  We wanted our kids to look terrible because it taught them character.  You know what gives kids character these days?  It’s when they roll up to their middle school in shoes that cost more than an electric bill.  They learn to persevere because they're forced to wear clothes that they purchase at the mall rather than a boutique.  I don’t even know if that’s even a marker of wealth and privilege.  I do know that they AREN’T really learning character or values or perseverance from what they wear because they wear really expensive clothes.  Did I mention that my school is majority ‘at-risk?’  How then can their wardrobes cost much more than mine by factors.  I know it isn’t a competition, but hey spend too much money on clothes.

              My concern, the societies concern, isn’t how much they spend.  I’m not a curmudgeon.  The issue is that you don’t know.  Why aren’t you the parent buying their clothes with them?  Parents give their money to kids and the kids go and buy clothes that the parent doesn’t want to argue about.  STOP IT!  From now on when your kid needs clothes go with him/her.  They want to go alone; don’t let them?  They buy something that has holes in it and you say to yourself, ‘it’s the fashion.’ Don’t buy them the fashion.  Buy them the boring and sturdy.  Our children, yours and mine, need less pre-cut holes in their clothes.  ‘But my kid has a part time job and buys their own clothes.’  You’re allowed to tell them what they can and can’t buy, Parent.  

*Or tell them they can buy it if they want, but make sure they aren't wearing it before they go out, to school or anywhere else.  They must dress for the occasion and school isn't a meth-head occasion. 

            ‘My kid says he needs the new Jordans and I want them to look fresh.’  ‘My daughter won’t shut up about all the other girls at her school with these holy jeans or these rompers.’   (Notice next I’m going to write a sentence without a single quote mark to delineate something I’m going to say sarcastically in response to these last sentences.)  My kid just has to have heroin to get through difficult situations.  My daughter just wants to go and drink beers with five members of the football team without any other girls and I don’t want to listen to her complain if I say no.  Am I saying that you letting your daughter out of the house in a romper is the same as enabling heroin use?  No.  But you not acting like a parent because you are afraid of your kid whining like a kid is the same thing, but with a different degree.  Am I saying that it is bad parenting to let a student go to school in clothes that are not in line with the schools dress code?  Yes.  What if the clothes aren’t outside my value system?  Yes, still.  Your job if no one told you, is to facilitate the education of your student through their school career.  That means every day.  That means ensuring that they are dressed in line with the dictates, good or bad, decided by your school board and school administrators in order to be conducive to education, not having them look fresh so they won't get punked.  

            If they can’t follow dress code there are multiple problems.  1.  You aren’t doing your job.  This sucks for you.  You know you’ll never be a great adult until you’re a parent.  Even good adults can improve with parenting.  And bad adults can totally stay horrible if they do not choose to parent.  It is time that we had a consistent ethic of parenting our children.  Yes.  You’ll screw up, but don’t give up.  A consistent ethic of ensuring dress code compliance is the goal.   2.  It sucks for the kid.  How many jobs have dress codes?  Does yours?  Isn’t it life-training to start following a program of laws and social mores?  Finally, it sucks for the kid because if you’re too scared to enforce rules that aren’t even your rules, then the kid isn’t learning much discipline.  Your kid, your little tyke, your little princess, that girl or boy that you got choked up the first time they hugged you.  Their life will be less good if you do not enforce discipline.  So enforce it. 

            ‘But my kid changes after leaving the house.’  Confiscate the rags they change into.  ‘My kid is too old for me to change on them.’  Sure, give up.  After all if you’re telling me that you cannot enforce a dress code on your baby, a stunning admission, then I can’t really argue with you.  I believe you’re wrong, but I can’t convince of the opposite.  ‘What about uniforms? We could have uniforms and then I wouldn’t have to do anything.’  I’m pro uniform, but a kid can push the boundaries of uniforms too.  Plus, I think parents need more opportunities to parent not more opportunities to avoid parenting. 

            As per usual, I think that people who read my blogs/articles are self-selective of people who might already do what they should in the sphere of children’s fashions.  So if you think this is a valuable message please consider sharing this on your feed?  That way you can give it to people you think need it but not actually say they need it.  Or if you’re brave ask people you know, all of them, how do they purchase clothes for their kids?  How do they enforce dress code?  Do they know their school’s dress code?  Do they shop with their kids?  Do they shop for their kids?  I know it sounds nosy.  It was one of the worst things our collective conscience remembers about the fifties and small towns.  People didn’t know how to mind their own business.  Yeah, but maybe that’s swung all the way to the far end of the pendulum and social media is a way for us to practice the complete antithesis of intimacy with our fellow people.  Maybe that’s bad. 

            Also, if you want to practice self-delusion leave a comment and tell me how I’m wrong.  No language please.   

Earning the Cell

You know those blogs that tell you how to be a good parent.  They always sound a little pretentious.  They sound like they have all the answers.  They make it sound like you don’t have any of the answers.  The sad thing is, anybody reading the blog about effective parenting is usually a self-selective group of people who have a lot of good ideas about parenting.  This isn’t a parenting blog but one about education.  It will suggest some ways to fix public schools that are habitually failing. 

            Kids don’t like school.  I mean, most kids don’t like school.  It’s almost all of them right.  My wife has a son that is legally mine and he likes school.  He is such a people person that he’d gladly go to school year round.  He is like Zach Morris from, Saved By the Bell, who said, “I love school, I just don’t like the classes.”  I know I shouldn’t have quotation marks for a paraphrase, but that’s a paraphrase.  I think a lot of kids fall into this category.  They like other kids, but they don’t like classes, reading, homework, grades, or tests.  They don’t like the rules, dress codes, and discipline. 

            And when did we think that schools should be fun?  When did we decide as a society that teachers are supposed to be guides on intellectual adventures?  At what point in time was Magic School Bus’s teacher, Miss Frizzle made the teacher du jour?  I think we spend too much time worrying about whether or not kids are getting engaged and not enough time making sure that students are incentivized to achieve.  Yes, I think engagement is important, but I also believe engagement to be impossible for some kids because they have too much other stuff reaching them.  Their phones can pipe in everything in the world to them instantaneously and thus, how can teachers interest them?

            Yes, there are ways.  I think there are a lot of micro options for engagement.  You have to create a template for engagement based on your personality and demeanor.  We can’t all be Jamie Escalante, but all teachers can get better at reaching the unreachable children of the 21^st century.  But how can parent help?  Is there some incentive that almost every student will work to achieve?  Is there something, the loss of which will incite action and effort for 90% of all students?

At my school, Elgin Middle School, there are more than 50% of the students who are ‘at risk.’  This means that the majority of the students on my campus have at least some issues with money and parents that make enough of it.  Now guess in this campus how many students have cell phones.  It’s not all and I’m sure it’s much different between sixth and eighth grades but the students I had in the eighth grade had about 90 percent cell phones.  Then there was about 20% A-B honor roll. 

            If every parent told their kid that they couldn’t have a cell phone unless they got A-B Honor Roll, what percent do you think would pass?  It wouldn’t be all.  Some students might try to succeed and still fall a little bit short.  Some kids would be defiant and might make their parents enforce the rule.  But really, how many do you think would get A-B Honor Roll in order to keep their phone?  My guess is 80 percent.  I guess there would be 5% that don’t want their kids to have a phone because they aren’t mature enough.  I think 5% couldn’t afford it.  I think 5% would try and still not be able to succeed.  I think 5% would be defiant and lose access to their phones every six weeks. 

            That is my eerily accurate unscientific estimation.  We’d go from a school who has 20% A-B to one that has 80% A-B.  This might change other things.  Like, I take late work even if it’s five weeks late.  I don’t think teachers would give as many chances and might start expecting more accountability if the kids were earning incentives at home.  I think students wouldn’t come to me or other teachers and just ask, ‘what do I have to do?’  With this system they might actually try to self-govern their own responsibilities. They might self-advocate ways to boost grades.  They might do the extra credit I have posted.  If there was group work all the student would rely on each other to produce good work so they can all either achieve cell phone status or avoid cell phone confiscation.

            This idea isn’t one that I thought of on my own.  I’m sure there are tons of parents who do this.  I had two students in my class this year.  Their parents had a rule that the girls would lose their phones if they didn’t get all A’s, not all A’s and B’s.  Once, one of the girls had an 88 the last week of the semester came to me and got a lot of extra credit and I offer a lot of extra credit.  She ended the grading period with a 91.  I didn’t bump her grade because she showed me a lot of effort.  She earned it.  The other girl got a bad grade on a test and did all the extra credit I offered in the grading period and ended with a 96.  These two girls, best buddies, had parents with the simple rule that all parent ought to have.  No A’s and B’s, no phone.

            But…you say your kid needs to get in touch with you.  No, they don’t.  Your schools have rules against the use of your student using their phone and every time they call you within school hours you undermine your school's authority.  'My kid’s teachers are okay with them texting and calling when they aren’t working in class.'  Well your teacher ought to explain to you why they have so much free time.  They could do that after they explain to the administration why they aren’t enforcing the no phone policy.  My school literally told me to not confiscate phones, but to just write students up if I saw them with a phone.  Thanks, parents.  I sure that call home to ask you to bring them lunch was seriously needed.  How many times did we call home before every kid had a cell phone?  None.    

            ‘My kid has some sort of disease or there might be an accident.’  Give them the phone.  Lock the phone from anything but calls to the police.  Am I saying that there is no reason to have a student have a phone?  No.  I’m saying earning all privileges should be a consistent ethic your children should learn. 

            ‘But my kid is too old, you don’t understand.  They’d get violent if I took away their phone.’  Okay give up.  My suggestion is about encouraging parents to have a more active role in the educational lives of their children.  If your response is that is, 'its too hard,' then I can’t actually argue that point.  But leave a comment about how I don’t know anything and that I cannot make blanket statements and how I don’t know everyone’s situation and how I shouldn’t try to tell you how to raise your kids. 

            And I understand there are people who don’t think their kids should have cell phones at all and some that don’t think they should earn them with good grades.  Use some other carrot so the school doesn’t have to use the stick so much.  Please leave a comment about how I’m bad for even suggesting students should sometimes have cell phones or what you use as the carrot to get achievement out of your kids other than a cell.  One of my parents had a kid who level of lack of effort was uncanny.  He improved a little second semester and I asked what she’d said or offered.  She said Jehovah deserved all the credit.  That would be awesome, I thought.  He returned to his old ways and failed the semester with less than a 40 the last six weeks. 

            Like I said, I think reading a blog self-selects the kind of parents who might already be doing these things or things like them.  So, if you agree with this blog/article, please try asking your friends if their kids have a phone and if they have achievement expectations to receive it.  Ask them if they have any achievement rewards.  The idea of creating measurable expectations for our kids’ success and some sort of payment for success in the classroom needs to be part of our societal vernacular.

Is it part of yours?