Jesus beat his kids.

Ugh.  I think I might actually write about something going on in the NFL.  I’m sick about it, but it sort of matched a passage in Ecclesiasticus so I thought if I didn't at least address the topical story that I would be considered tone deaf.  The point of this blog is that world needs more wisdom and so I hope this will be my deposit into the world's shallow conversation about child discipline.

Have you heard that Adrian Peterson hit his son with a switch?  Not only did he switch him but the man opened up the behind and caused bloody whelps.  Peterson has admitted to losing his temper and going too far.  Society wants to universally denounce the behavior as reprehensible.  The much less hurtful spanking with an open hand and pants on is being equated with Roman treatment of Jesus on national news.  The 40 lashes minus 1 is now the new finger rapping.  This leads me to the simple conclusion:

Society is very bad at seeing shades of gray.

Every time I watch a news report about militant Islam I always have to hear the phrase, “Not all Muslims,” as if that message hadn't been heard a million times.  The idea that you have to keep saying that, in order to not be accused of making overly broad statements is proof that the world wants to see things in black and white and news people are cognizant of it and act accordingly.  Jesus never hedged when he spoke, is that weird?  Paul, too.  Not on just the stuff that was universal.  Of course all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God; but Christ doesn't say Woe to the Scribes and Pharisees, SOME of you are open tombs. 

Society is very bad at thinking it's right.

Christ Carter harangued his mother on the news Sunday because she used corporal punishment on him and his six siblings.  He hasn't hit or spanked his kids and his mother was wrong.  That strikes me as arrogant.  I’m not saying that we can’t make assumptions about other peoples’ styles of parenting.  I think Female Genital Mutilation is wrong and that’s happening a lot all over the world.  I’m saying that there is a difference between saying what you think is wrong and saying something is wrong.  I know to be careful when making moral equivalents and Chris Carter doesn't seem to be.  Is Chris Carter such a terrible paragon of how not to raise children?  Well maybe other than the fact that he’s on TV and a millionaire.  It strikes me as so arrogant to say that your parents did a bad job and to also assert that you are doing a good job or are a good person.  The proof, after all, is in the pudding. 

Society cannot fathom disagreement.

Charles Barkley says that this issue is a north-south divide.  But it’s not.  Society spanks.  Some of society I think lies about it.  Media centers are living in a vacuum if they think only some parts of the old south are spankers.  People are spankers.  Rural, urban, suburban:  Large swaths of society are discipline-centric whether or not you are.  All of your black and white statements on the subject alienate your viewers who’d rather you not make simplistic assumptions about how to raise kids when you have none. 

The truth is, in education, in single parent households, in overpopulated prisons; there isn't ENOUGH discipline.  Jesus, the writer of Ecclesiasticus and not our personal Lord and savior, thinks so too.

¹ Whoever loves his son will beat him frequently so that in after years the son may be his comfort.  ² Whoever is strict with his son will reap the benefit, and be able to boast of him to his acquaintances.  ³ Whoever educates his son will be the envy of his enemy, and will be proud of him among his friends.  ⁴ Even when the father dies, he might well not be dead, since he leaves his likeness behind him.  ⁵ In life he has had the joy of his company, dying, he has no anxieties.  ⁶ He leaves an avenger against his enemies and a rewarder of favours for his friends.  ⁷ Whoever coddles his son will bandage his wounds; his heart will turn over at every cry.  ⁸ A badly broken-in horse turns out stubborn; a son left to himself turns out headstrong.  ⁹ Pamper your child and he will terrorize you, play along with him and he will bring you sorrow.  ¹⁰ Do not laugh with him, or one day you will weep with him and end up gnashing your teeth.  ¹¹ While he is young, do not allow him his freedom and do not wink at his mistakes.  ¹² Bend his neck in youth, bruise his ribs while he is a child, or else he will grow stubborn and disobedient, and hurt you very deeply.  ¹³ Be strict with your son, and persevere with him, or you will rue his insolence.

Don’t we know that this is more true than false?  Children need correction.  I know I did.  I have very good anecdotal evidence that corporal punishment works.  You do too; I’m assuming.  The world is filled with such anecdotal evidence.  Strippers with daddy issues, inmates with daddy issues, politicians with daddy issues, serial philanderers with daddy issues are all proof we have huge problems with discipline emaciation.  We are discipline deficient; discipline as a Moral Form in the Platonic vein.    

Now is it the same for hitting your grown wife?  No.  There’s that pesky word, ‘grown,’ along with wife.  Ray Rice is a jerk.  I don’t think he needs to get kicked out of the league, though.  But children are still malleable.  I've heard some say that this is no different from Michael Vick's dog fighting but that was for enjoyment, not discipline.  Dogs can receive discipline too.  In the form of noises, smell, or pain; they learn from it.  So, you may ask, is it appropriate to hit my kid with a belt or an iron because I sincerely want to discipline them?  First, check out the word, ‘sincerely.’  One thing that my parents did when I was going to be spanked was to explain to me why.  It made me crazy when I was young but its power was to make sure they weren't angry and that I understood.  This might calm you down or take away your inclination to use a weapon.  Or it might not.  There are, after all, crazy people.  But crazy people aren't a reason for society to say that corporal punishment doesn't work.  Is Peterson crazy?  I won’t say yes or no.  Courts will assess his history of violence and decide whether the child is in danger.  Maybe someone who loves Peterson needs to explain that when you cut a switch and whittle/prune its branches you might want to use that time to cool down a bit.  Peterson might want to have a conversation with the kid at that time about why he’s getting a whipping.  Heck, part of me is stoked that Peterson lives with his kids.

Some of you are getting better results by sitting your child down and having conversations with her.  Some of your kids would rather get 40 lashes than endure a day without phone or internet.  That’s fine.  I’m not making judgments about your discipline.  Can we all stop making statements about how hitting kids is wrong?  You are using loaded language to exacerbate what could be a valuable conversation.  Or else, you are guilty of religion bashing, cultural ethnocentrism, painting with too broad a brush, arrogance; you name it; you got it.  

And you know what?  I agree that hitting or spanking isn't the best way to discipline.  The best way to discipline is having a child that knows you will punish bad behavior so you don’t have to.  My brother John and his wife Nola, whom I disagree with them on a lot, but they've got two great kids:  JDOC and Toks.  Mom and dad are doing a great job of training them up in the way they should go.  John and or Nola count to three if the boys are doing wrong.   Actually, I've seen them count to two a ton and the boys quit what they’re doing.  The boys have learned what comes from disobedience and there is less need for discipline.  Fear of discipline is the best discipline.  Does that mean I agree with Adrian Peterson?  No.  He doesn't agree with himself.  He admits he did wrong/went too far.

Finally, some of this stuff in Ecclesiasticus 30:1-13 I don’t agree with.  That’s fine, right?  It didn't make it into the Bible cannon, after all.  For example, if I had a son I would want to share his laughter and his tears.  I want my heart to overturn at the sorrows of any little girl I may have.  The passage ends up sounding like a path to sensibility, parenting at arm’s length.  Maybe the aim wasn't a perfect bull’s-eye, but notice that the frequent beatings are about the child’s adulthood not yours.  I happen to read this as a thinly-veiled altruism.